using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize