I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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