Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
