why didn't you poke me back
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
