all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
