In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
