I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
