you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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