I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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