I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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