im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
