Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
