The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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