I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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