so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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