Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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