I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
