I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
