So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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