Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
