Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize