im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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