So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
