woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
