before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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