I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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