If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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