$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize