a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
