the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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