I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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