I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
