My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
