I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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