So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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