You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
