I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
