go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You are the jesus of drinking
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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