its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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