Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
