come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
