Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my being single is dangerous.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
