He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
