I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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