I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
