John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
