A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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