What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
