My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
