Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you traded sex for a burrito?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
