Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
