Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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