i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
