Sponge bath it is.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
