i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
