Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
