Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
