Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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