can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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