i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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