matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
