I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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