he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
