Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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