Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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