how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
