I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
