You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
