Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
