you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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