HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
