Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
