he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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