I just pynch a tree in the face
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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