The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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