It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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