We won't sleep together?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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