I will die if light touches me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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