i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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