When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
